The Compulsive Reader: Whatever You Do, Don't Read These Books

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Whatever You Do, Don't Read These Books

We all know that there are many, many dirty books out there. They talk about nasty things that no one should ever read about, and many people have worked to get them off of shelves so that they don't taint our youth. These are some of those books.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot

You may think that this is about a nice, average teenage girl who finds out she's really a princess of a small country in Europe, but be careful. This nice, average girl will talk about condoms. And boys. And...she even talks about playing with a diaphragm!

Looking For Alaska by John Green

This is a terrible, terrible book that parents stood up against when an eleventh grade English class decided to read it. They didn't actually have kids in that class, but they wanted to protect everyone nonetheless. You know what they say about one bad apple. They labeled it as pornographic. And what does the ALA do? They go ahead an give it the highest honor they can. What were they thinking? And then it won the Printz Award! Deplorable!

Crank, Glass, Tricks, and pretty much anything Ellen Hopkins writes

These books are ALL horrifying because they show real life teenagers struggling to deal with terrible things. Hopkins' characters have sex and do drugs and cut and drink too much alcohol. They give our kids terrible ideas and show them how to fail at life. Who wants that?

The Bermudez Triangle by Maureen Johnson

Maureen Johnson shows kids how two best friends can become lesbians--oh, the horror! There's also so much drinking and talk about sex! It's simply radical!

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

This is about a freshman in high school and how she mopes all year long because of what happened to her and talks about how high school is all about sex and drinking. Wesley Scroggins calls it filthy!

Oh, and be sure you stay away from these books as well! It's all just so terrible.

Happy Banned Books Week, everyone.


Jackie said...

To think I would have missed twilight if I would have followed that list or any of the others:0
Thanks for the new suggestions !!
Happy Banned book week to you:)

BookChic said...

Thank you for talking about these horrid books so that people like myself who do not wish to sully my mind with real life situations can avoid them and make sure that everyone else can't read them either. I'm just looking out for others!! We can't have people, especially teenagers, educated about these horrible, horrible things.

The Princess Diaries looks so unassuming! I can't believe such EVIL like safe sex is talked about in what looks to be a cute book!

Do you know how hard that was to write? It took me a while. What's wrong with people like that? Loved your commentary on these books, especially Looking for Alaska and its awards, lol.

Anonymous said...

Haha I really hope you were being sarcastic. You were....right?

Katie said...

Too funny :)

La Coccinelle said...

Haha... I love the snarkiness.

Jane said...

This reminds me of a friend I have who refused to read Looking for Alaska just because one of my other friends showed her a specific passage that she thought was "too dirty."

It really bothers me. A lot. Because I know she would love the book if she only gave it a chance.


The Compulsive Reader said...

Anonymous: Of course! It's pure satire.

Erica said...

I'm not gonna lie, at first I thought you were serious and was slightly horrified. Now I am dying of laughter. :D Awesome post.

MutilatedAudio said...

I do hope you are joking. All of these books are fantastic. Yes, they do have some harsh things going on. But that's the real world. Not everything is all pretty and cheerful and perfect. All these books talk about real world situations that do often occur. No it's not good things, but it's the honest truth. And how can Speak be filthy? She was raped! The book talks about how she deals with it and gets through it. These things do happen.

I don't believe that anyone of this book are giving kids the wrong ideas. Trust me, we all know about this horrible things, these books show us how truly horrible they are and what it can do to you. None of the books on the list should have been banned, My Sisters Keep, The Colour Purple, To Kill a Mocking Bird?! All Banned?! That's insane!

The Compulsive Reader said...

This piece is entirely satirical. Your reaction was precisely the same as mine. I didn't write this post because I wanted to be witty or I thought that book banning is funny...it's serious and wrong and it makes me want to hit something very hard at times. By writing it I had hoped to grab people's attention, and to get them fired up against this sort of thing. Too often people see a case of censorship and just say, "Damn. Not again. That's wrong." But do they actually do something about it? Maybe. Sometimes you have to get some righteous anger and indignation going before something can be done.

Liviania said...

I've already read all of these! Whatever shall I do? I'm practically a fallen woman!

The Compulsive Reader said...

Ha, Liviana, your comment reminds me of a Gilmore Girls episode when they're trying to figure out a nice name for a "fallen woman"!